This week marks one year since I first put my fingers to the keyboard and ferociously wrote a blog on a very short time limit with an incredibly fast beating heart and sweaty palms. A year since I opened up my mind and my heart to the Internet and gained confidence, experience and with enough luck, followers.
It does not mark a year since I started a company with my fiancé and started working from home, that is in April, however, I do feel this is equally important. I have taken this past year as a year of self-discovery, learning more about myself, my relationship and where I live. I took time to relax (as so many my age are far too busy trying to fit in all the work, all the deadlines, make it to all the social events and parties and eat well and look good and be smart and funny and the life of the party all at the same time – basically try and achieve perfection, I didn’t want to attempt all of that in one go, key word being attempt). I decided I would slow everything down and get through each anxiety, each irritation, each goal I was not able to achieve one at a time. Meditation and yoga and weekly running allowed me to explore the depths of my mind. Reading and actively speaking out even though it was often painful to do because of shyness brought out exactly what I was feeling and let others know. I am extremely grateful that all I have written has had a positive response and created some discussion and a few people in agreement with my quirky, out there ideas. This was the big one for me. So often throughout my life I felt as though I was against the grain in many instances and situations. I follow mainstream living when I feel like it and other times I want nothing to do with society or to live on the grid I just want to be invisible. Fifty-eight blogs later, a whole lot more words than I ever thought I would have produced during that time and a lot of revisions and practice rounds and mostly stepping far far out of my comfort zone and now I can declare myself, Nicole the Blogger! I have grown.
I do blog for clients and I am extremely lucky that I have my own way for a majority of these blogs so again I can express my own feelings and project exactly how I am feeling and reacting in a particular situation. My blogs are based on my truth, my ideas, ideals, thoughts and problems. I have religiously said that writing is journaling and journaling is getting your problems out of your mind and out there to be solved, even it if is merely by writing them down and putting them behind you, or tackling them as a discussion.
I have always loved writing, the act of writing itself lets me see what my hands can do let alone what my heart and mind does. Utterly messy handwriting that changes from paragraph to paragraph as I spill my ideas onto paper, it’s mine and I love it. I often beg my fiancé to write something for me so I can keep it and treasure it. It’s like your own personal font, one no one else has or can replicate. I keep many letters and notes from family both here and gone and I am so grateful I have done this as the memories live on.
One year from now I want to have written more than fifty-eight additional blogs. I would ideally aim for triple digits but it is all dependent on life, time and of course the quality of my writing. Sometimes my thoughts are immensely congested, cloudy and so muddled that they aren’t able to be untangled and comprehensively written into a beautiful piece of literature, sometimes I see the synopsis in my thoughts and this becomes a tweet!
I have a strong adoration for the English language, my childhood book-wormy pastime and reading and writing speed. I am incredibly lucky to have been brought up not only to speak well and clearly, to write well, to love what I write and to constantly want to better and improve on my vocabulary, my diction and language. I have been told, unfortunately, twice in the past to “dumb down” how I speak to people as I am too formal. At the time I was devastated that my passion in life, that at school as well as university where I reveled in the English language only to be told I learnt too much, I use my knowledge too often, that not everyone can understand me? Alright, here’s one for you, go (**%^&$( yourself. Colloquial enough for you?